dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
a search helicopter?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to sanitize my soul.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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