What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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