Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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