you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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