My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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