Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they're like a gay fantastic four
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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