Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
