with your own penis?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
