i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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