If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the raccoons are back...
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