I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it's like heaven, but drunker
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's blow job season.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
