You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
