Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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