last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
