That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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