I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
