She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
