I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
