I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
