I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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