I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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