Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
