I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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