New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
