in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
