she looked like the bat from fern gully.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
do nipples grow back?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
