at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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