I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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