You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
