She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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