I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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