Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I deserve this hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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