u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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