I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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