you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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