grandma shit on top of the toilet
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
