I looked at my own cervix.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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