no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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