I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
