She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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