it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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