There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
