i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
