I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
false alarm, still single
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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