My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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