That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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