first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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