hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
