You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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