you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
