your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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