Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
