I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
