i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize