Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
