you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
