can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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