Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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