Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
